How to Conduct References for Private Household Staff

Hiring private household staff is a highly personal process. A domestic professional may have access to your home, family, children, personal schedule, valuable possessions and private information. For this reason, checking references should be one of the most important stages of any household staff recruitment process.

A strong CV and an excellent interview are useful, but they do not always tell the full story. References can provide valuable insight into how a candidate actually performed in a previous private household, how they interacted with the family and whether they can be trusted with the responsibilities of the position.

Knowing how to conduct references for private household staff can therefore help employers make more informed recruitment decisions.

For private, HNW and UHNW families, reference checks can be particularly important. Household employees are often expected to work independently, maintain strict confidentiality and provide consistently high standards of service. A candidate may have many years of experience, but the most important question is whether that experience is relevant to your household.

At Fully Staffed, we understand the importance of finding reliable, experienced and discreet domestic professionals. We support private families with domestic staff recruitment across London, the UK and internationally.

In this guide, we explain how to conduct effective references for private household staff, what questions to ask, which warning signs to consider and how references should form part of a wider recruitment process.

Why Are References Important for Private Household Staff?

References provide information that cannot always be obtained from a CV or interview.

A candidate may describe themselves as highly organised, discreet and reliable. A previous employer can provide evidence of whether those qualities were demonstrated in practice.

This is particularly important in private household recruitment because domestic staff often work in a unique environment.

They may have access to:

• The family home
• Personal belongings
• Children’s routines
• Family schedules
• Travel information
• Household finances
• Private conversations
• Valuable possessions
• Security information

Trust is therefore fundamental.

References Help Confirm a Candidate’s Experience

A reference can help confirm whether a candidate actually performed the duties listed on their CV.

For example, a candidate applying for a senior housekeeper position may claim experience managing a large residence and supervising junior staff.

A previous employer can help confirm:

• The size of the property
• The number of staff
• The candidate’s responsibilities
• Their level of independence
• Their management experience
• The quality of their work

References Help Assess Reliability

Reliability is essential in a private household.

A family needs to know that staff will arrive on time, follow schedules and communicate appropriately when circumstances change.

A previous employer can often provide useful information about attendance, punctuality and general reliability.

References Help Assess Personality

Skills can be taught, but personality and attitude are more difficult to change.

A candidate may have excellent technical experience but struggle with communication or teamwork.

References can help establish whether the candidate is:

• Calm
• Professional
• Respectful
• Flexible
• Discreet
• Helpful
• Team-oriented

What Is a Private Household Staff Reference?

A private household staff reference is information provided by a previous employer or another appropriate professional contact about a candidate’s employment and performance.

For domestic staff, the most useful reference is usually from a previous private employer.

Depending on the role, additional references may also be appropriate.

For example:

• A nanny may provide references from previous families.
• A housekeeper may provide references from private households or senior housekeeping employers.
• A private chef may provide references from previous principals or household managers.
• A chauffeur may provide references from private families or professional employers.
• A House Manager may provide references from principals, family offices or estate managers.

The closer the previous role is to the new position, the more useful the reference is likely to be.

What Makes a Good Reference?

Not all references provide the same level of information.

A strong reference should ideally come from someone who directly managed or employed the candidate.

Previous Private Employer

For most household staff positions, a previous employer is the most valuable reference.

They can comment on the candidate’s actual performance in a private household.

Senior Household Manager

For candidates who worked within a larger household, a House Manager, Estate Manager or Head Housekeeper may also provide useful professional information.

Professional Reference

A professional reference can sometimes be useful for confirming qualifications, employment history or specific skills.

However, it should generally complement rather than replace a previous household employer reference.

When Should You Conduct References?

References should normally be conducted after the candidate has been shortlisted and before the final hiring decision.

There is little value in conducting extensive reference checks on every applicant.

Instead, the recruitment process can follow this structure:

1. Review applications
2. Conduct initial screening
3. Interview suitable candidates
4. Shortlist candidates
5. Obtain permission to contact references
6. Conduct reference checks
7. Complete relevant background checks
8. Make the final decision
9. Agree employment terms

This approach is efficient while still providing appropriate due diligence.

Obtain Candidate Permission

Before contacting a reference, confirm that the candidate has provided the correct contact details and is comfortable with the reference being contacted.

This is particularly important when the candidate is currently employed.

A professional candidate may not want their current employer to know they are considering another position.

What Information Should You Request Before Calling a Reference?

Before making contact, prepare the information you need.

Ask the candidate to provide:

• Reference’s full name
• Job title
• Relationship to the candidate
• Company or household name, where appropriate
• Email address
• Telephone number
• Dates of employment
• Candidate’s job title
• Permission to contact the reference

Where possible, verify that the reference represents the employment relationship described by the candidate.

How to Conduct References for Private Household Staff

The most effective reference checks are structured.

Rather than asking only, “Was the candidate good?”, prepare specific questions.

This allows you to compare references consistently.

Step 1: Introduce Yourself

Explain who you are and why you are contacting the person.

For example, explain that the candidate has applied for a private household position and has provided the individual as a professional reference.

Step 2: Confirm the Employment Relationship

Start with basic factual information.

Ask:

• When did the candidate work for you?
• What was their position?
• Was the employment full-time or part-time?
• Was the position live-in or live-out?
• What were their main responsibilities?
• Who did they report to?

This helps confirm the candidate’s employment history.

Step 3: Discuss Performance

Once employment details are confirmed, move into performance-based questions.

Ask:

• How would you describe their overall performance?
• What were their strongest qualities?
• Were there any areas that required improvement?
• How independently did they work?
• How did they respond to instructions?
• How did they handle unexpected situations?

Open questions usually provide more useful information than questions that can be answered simply with yes or no.

Questions to Ask About a Housekeeper

Housekeeper references should focus on practical ability, standards and reliability.

Ask the previous employer:

• What were the candidate’s housekeeping responsibilities?
• How large was the property?
• Did they work independently?
• Were they responsible for laundry and ironing?
• Did they handle delicate fabrics?
• Did they manage wardrobes?
• Did they prepare the home for guests?
• Did they work alongside other household staff?
• Did they supervise anyone?
• How would you rate their attention to detail?

For senior housekeepers, also ask about leadership and organisation.

Housekeeper-Specific Performance Questions

Useful questions include:

• How consistently did they maintain household standards?
• Did they anticipate the family’s needs?
• Were they proactive?
• How did they respond to last-minute requests?
• Could they prioritise tasks effectively?
• Did they handle valuable or delicate items appropriately?

For families looking for housekeeping support in London, Fully Staffed recruits experienced housekeepers for private households.

You can learn more about Live-Out Housekeeper London and Live-In Housekeeper London recruitment.

Questions to Ask About a Nanny

Nanny references should be particularly detailed because the role involves direct responsibility for children.

Ask:

• What were the children’s ages?
• How long did the nanny work for your family?
• What were their childcare responsibilities?
• Did they manage school or nursery runs?
• Did they prepare meals for the children?
• Did they organise activities?
• How did they communicate with parents?
• How did they respond when a child was upset?
• Were they reliable and punctual?
• Did they travel with the family?
• Would you trust them with your children again?

The final question can be particularly informative.

A previous parent may provide a very clear indication of their overall confidence in the nanny.

Families can also read Fully Staffed’s guide on How to Choose the Right Nanny.

For families requiring live-in childcare, see our Live-In Nanny London recruitment service.

Questions to Ask About a Private Chef

A private chef’s reference should focus on culinary ability, flexibility and understanding of private service.

Ask:

• What type of cuisine did they prepare?
• Did they cook daily family meals?
• Did they manage special diets?
• Were they responsible for menu planning?
• Did they shop for ingredients?
• Did they cater for guests?
• How did they handle last-minute changes?
• Were they organised?
• How clean and professional was their kitchen management?
• Would you hire them again?

If the chef regularly catered for formal dinners or large events, ask specifically about their performance in those situations.

Questions to Ask About a Chauffeur

A chauffeur reference should focus on safety, reliability, discretion and professionalism.

Ask:

• Was the candidate consistently punctual?
• How familiar were they with local routes?
• Did they manage school runs?
• Did they transport children?
• Did they travel internationally?
• Did they maintain vehicles appropriately?
• Were they discreet?
• How did they behave around guests and family members?
• Were they flexible with changing schedules?
• Did they handle stressful situations calmly?

For a private chauffeur, trust and discretion can be just as important as driving ability.

Questions to Ask About a House Manager

A House Manager often has responsibility for coordinating other employees, so references should examine management skills carefully.

Ask:

• How large was the household?
• How many employees did they manage?
• What departments did they oversee?
• Did they manage household budgets?
• Did they coordinate contractors?
• Did they organise events?
• How did they communicate with principals?
• How did they handle staff conflict?
• Were they proactive?
• Could they work independently?
• How did they respond to pressure?

For senior household positions, it is useful to establish whether the candidate can manage both people and practical household operations.

How to Ask Open-Ended Reference Questions

One of the most effective techniques when conducting references is to avoid leading questions.

Instead of asking:

“Was she a good housekeeper?”

ask:

“How would you describe her housekeeping standards?”

Instead of:

“Was he reliable?”

ask:

“How would you describe his reliability and punctuality?”

Instead of:

“Did she get along with the children?”

ask:

“How would you describe her relationship with the children?”

Open-ended questions encourage the reference provider to give more detailed answers.

Pay Attention to How the Reference Answers

The content of the answer matters, but so does the way the person responds.

For example, a reference who immediately provides detailed examples may indicate confidence in the candidate.

Short or vague answers do not automatically mean there is a problem, but they may justify additional questions.

Look for:

• Specific examples
• Consistent descriptions
• Clear dates
• Genuine enthusiasm
• Balanced feedback
• Concrete explanations

Avoid interpreting hesitation on its own as evidence of poor performance.

There may be many reasons why someone gives a brief reference.

Ask About Strengths and Weaknesses

A good reference should not necessarily be completely positive.

Every professional has areas where they can improve.

Ask:

“What would you say were the candidate’s strongest qualities?”

Then ask:

“Was there anything they could have improved?”

This can provide a more realistic picture.

Why Balanced Feedback Matters

If a reference describes a candidate as perfect in every possible way, the information may be less useful than a balanced assessment.

For example, a reference might explain that a housekeeper was extremely thorough but sometimes spent too much time on individual tasks.

That information may actually be helpful to a future employer.

It allows the family to determine whether the candidate’s working style matches their expectations.

Ask Why the Candidate Left

One of the most important questions is:

“Why did the candidate leave your household?”

The answer can provide valuable context.

Possible reasons may include:

• Family relocation
• Children becoming older
• Property sale
• Change in household structure
• Contract completion
• Candidate relocation
• Career development
• Mutual decision

Not every departure is negative.

However, if the explanation is inconsistent with the candidate’s account, this should be explored further.

Check Employment Dates

Employment dates should be consistent across:

• CV
• Application form
• Candidate interview
• References

Discrepancies do not automatically mean dishonesty.

There may be innocent explanations, such as overlapping temporary assignments or differences between part-time and full-time employment.

Nevertheless, unexplained inconsistencies should be clarified.

Ask Whether the Employer Would Rehire the Candidate

One of the most useful questions is:

“Would you employ this person again?”

A simple answer can be very informative.

You can also ask:

“Would you recommend this candidate for another private household?”

However, this should be considered alongside the rest of the reference rather than used as the only measure of suitability.

Verify the Reference Contact Details

Reference fraud is a potential risk in any recruitment process.

Where appropriate, verify that the person providing the reference is genuinely connected to the previous employment.

Depending on the circumstances, this could involve checking:

• Professional email address
• Employer details
• Household manager details
• Agency records
• Employment documentation

The appropriate method depends on the candidate and the role.

Written References vs Telephone References

Both written and telephone references can be useful.

Written References

Written references provide a record that can be retained as part of the recruitment process.

They may confirm:

• Dates
• Position
• Responsibilities
• General performance

However, written references can sometimes be brief.

Telephone References

Telephone references can allow more detailed discussion.

The recruiter or employer can ask follow-up questions and explore particular points.

For senior private household positions, a detailed telephone conversation can therefore be particularly valuable.

The Best Approach

Where appropriate, written and verbal references can complement each other.

A written reference can confirm basic employment information, while a telephone conversation can provide additional context.

What Are Red Flags in Household Staff References?

References should be evaluated carefully.

Potential warning signs can include:

• Significant unexplained discrepancies
• Refusal to confirm employment
• Very vague answers
• Inconsistent dates
• Unwillingness to discuss responsibilities
• Concerns about reliability
• Concerns about confidentiality
• Repeated issues with attendance
• Serious interpersonal problems
• Inability to explain the reason for leaving

A single concern does not automatically mean the candidate should be rejected.

Instead, consider the information in context.

Red Flags Should Be Investigated, Not Assumed

Recruitment decisions should be based on evidence.

For example, if a reference says that a candidate was “not suitable for a very formal household”, that does not necessarily mean the candidate is unsuitable for every family.

They may be excellent in a relaxed family environment.

Similarly, a candidate who did not travel internationally in a previous position may still be capable of travelling if they have the appropriate skills and flexibility.

The question should always be:

Is this candidate suitable for this particular household?

How References Fit Into the Recruitment Process

References are only one part of the recruitment process.

A strong domestic staff recruitment process should consider several areas.

CV and Employment History

The CV provides an initial overview of the candidate’s career.

Interview

The interview allows the employer to assess communication, personality and motivation.

Skills and Qualifications

Relevant qualifications should be reviewed according to the role.

References

References provide external confirmation of previous performance.

Background Checks

Appropriate checks should be completed where relevant to the position and applicable requirements.

Trial Period

Where appropriate, an agreed trial period can provide an additional opportunity to assess the working relationship.

Using several stages creates a more complete picture of the candidate.

How a Domestic Staff Agency Can Help With References

For busy private families, reference checking can be time-consuming.

A specialist domestic staff agency can assist with this process.

Fully Staffed works with private, HNW and UHNW families seeking experienced domestic professionals.

Our recruitment services can include support with:

• Candidate sourcing
• Screening
• Interviews
• Reference checks
• Shortlisting
• Recruitment coordination

You can learn more about Fully Staffed’s services or explore our Hire Staff page.

Why Reference Checking Is Particularly Important for UHNW Families

UHNW households often have more complex staffing requirements.

Employees may work across multiple residences, travel internationally or interact with several members of the family.

They may also be responsible for highly valuable property and confidential information.

Discretion

The candidate must understand that private household information is confidential.

Reliability

The family may depend on staff to maintain demanding schedules.

Flexibility

International travel and changing family requirements may require flexibility.

Professionalism

High-end private service often requires exceptional standards of presentation and conduct.

For these reasons, references from comparable private households can be particularly valuable.

How to Reference a Candidate for a Live-In Position

Live-in roles require additional consideration.

The employee will live on the property and may have significantly closer contact with the family.

Ask previous employers about:

• Respect for privacy
• Boundaries
• Living arrangements
• Communication
• Behaviour outside working hours
• Cleanliness
• Respect for household rules
• Ability to live harmoniously within a family environment

This is especially important for live-in nannies, housekeepers and domestic couples.

How to Reference a Candidate for a Travelling Role

Travelling household staff require additional questions.

Ask:

• Has the candidate travelled internationally before?
• How did they adapt to different environments?
• Were they flexible with schedules?
• How did they manage long travel days?
• Were they comfortable working internationally?
• Did they maintain professional standards while travelling?
• How did they respond to changes in plans?

Travel can be demanding.

The candidate should therefore demonstrate emotional resilience and flexibility.

Reference Checks for Nannies Working With Babies

When recruiting a nanny or maternity professional for an infant, references should be particularly detailed.

Ask previous employers about:

• Infant care experience
• Feeding routines
• Sleep routines
• Developmental activities
• Communication with parents
• Handling stressful situations
• Reliability
• Hygiene standards
• Night-time support, if applicable

The family’s priorities should determine the questions.

Reference Checks for Senior Household Staff

Senior household professionals require a different level of reference checking.

For House Managers, Estate Managers and Head Housekeepers, consider:

• Leadership
• Staff management
• Budget management
• Procurement
• Contractor management
• Event planning
• Communication with principals
• Problem-solving
• Confidentiality
• Crisis management

A senior employee can have a significant influence on the entire household team.

Therefore, their previous management performance is particularly important.

How to Document Reference Checks

Good record keeping can help maintain consistency.

After each reference, record:

• Date of reference
• Name of referee
• Position
• Relationship to candidate
• Employment dates confirmed
• Main responsibilities
• Strengths
• Areas for improvement
• Reason for leaving
• Rehire recommendation
• Additional comments

Keep records securely and handle personal information appropriately.

What If a Candidate Cannot Provide a Previous Employer Reference?

There may be legitimate reasons.

For example:

• The household has moved abroad
• The employer is no longer available
• The candidate worked for a family office
• The previous employer prefers written references
• The position was short-term
• The candidate is currently employed

In such situations, consider alternative professional references where appropriate.

However, unexplained gaps should be discussed with the candidate.

Should You Contact a Candidate’s Current Employer?

This should be handled carefully.

A candidate may currently be employed and may not want their employer to know they are looking for another role.

Always discuss this with the candidate first.

For many recruitment processes, previous employers can provide sufficient evidence until a final stage.

Reference Checking and Confidentiality

Private household recruitment involves sensitive information.

Reference conversations may reveal personal details about:

• Family members
• Children
• Household routines
• Employment circumstances
• Travel
• Health or personal matters

Only relevant professional information should be requested and retained.

The recruitment process should always respect appropriate privacy and confidentiality requirements.

Questions Employers Should Avoid

Reference checks should remain focused on professional suitability.

Avoid unnecessary questions about protected or highly personal matters that are unrelated to the role.

Focus instead on:

• Employment
• Performance
• Responsibilities
• Reliability
• Professional conduct
• Skills
• Teamwork
• Reason for leaving
• Suitability for the role

This creates a more professional and consistent recruitment process.

How to Compare Multiple References

Sometimes a candidate will provide references from several previous employers.

Do not necessarily expect every reference to sound identical.

Different households have different expectations.

Instead, look for recurring themes.

For example, if three previous employers independently describe a candidate as:

• Reliable
• Calm
• Discreet
• Organised

this provides stronger evidence than one isolated comment.

Likewise, if several references mention the same concern, it may deserve further investigation.

How to Make the Final Recruitment Decision

Once references have been completed, review all available information.

Consider:

• Does the employment history match?
• Are the responsibilities relevant?
• Are references positive?
• Are there any unexplained concerns?
• Does the candidate meet the technical requirements?
• Is their personality suitable?
• Will they work well with the existing team?
• Do they understand the family’s expectations?

The decision should be based on the overall picture.

Reference Checks for Existing Household Teams

References can also be important when adding someone to an existing team.

The new employee needs to fit not only the family but also the current household staff.

For example, if a family already employs:

• House Manager
• Head Housekeeper
• Nanny
• Chauffeur

and is recruiting another housekeeper, the new employee should be comfortable working within the established structure.

References can help determine whether the candidate has successfully worked within similar teams.

Why Compatibility Matters

The strongest candidate on paper may not always be the best candidate for your household.

Private service is highly personal.

A candidate’s working style needs to complement the family’s expectations.

References can therefore help answer questions such as:

• Does the candidate work independently?
• Do they require close supervision?
• How do they respond to feedback?
• Are they proactive?
• Are they comfortable with high expectations?
• Do they adapt easily?

These insights can be extremely valuable during final selection.

How Fully Staffed Supports Private Household Recruitment

At Fully Staffed, we understand that recruiting domestic staff requires a careful and personalised approach.

Our focus is on finding experienced professionals who are appropriate for the specific household.

We support recruitment for roles including:

• Housekeepers
• Head Housekeepers
• Nannies
• Maternity Nurses
• Governesses
• Private Chefs
• Chauffeurs
• Butlers
• House Managers
• Estate Managers
• Personal Assistants
• Gardeners
• Handymen
• Domestic Couples
• Travelling Household Staff

Our approach takes into account the family’s requirements, property, lifestyle, schedule and existing household structure.

To learn more about the agency, visit the Fully Staffed About page.

A Professional Approach to Candidate Screening

Reference checking works best when it is part of a wider recruitment strategy.

Rather than relying on a single reference, a professional process considers the candidate’s entire background.

This includes:

• Career history
• Relevant experience
• Interview performance
• Professional skills
• Personality
• References
• Availability
• Household compatibility

This creates a stronger basis for making a recruitment decision.

How to Conduct References for Private Household Staff: A Practical Checklist

Before hiring a candidate, make sure you have considered the following:

Employment Verification

• Have the employment dates been confirmed?
• Has the job title been confirmed?
• Have the main responsibilities been confirmed?

Performance

• Was the candidate reliable?
• Were they professional?
• How would the employer rate their work?
• What were their strongest qualities?

Personality

• How did they communicate?
• Did they work well with others?
• Were they respectful?
• Were they discreet?

Household Suitability

• Did they understand private household expectations?
• Could they work independently?
• Were they flexible?
• Did they respond well to feedback?

Final Questions

• Why did the candidate leave?
• Would you employ them again?
• Would you recommend them for another private household?

If these questions have been answered clearly, you will have a much stronger understanding of the candidate.

Frequently Asked Questions About Private Household Staff References

How many references should a private household request?

The appropriate number depends on the seniority and responsibilities of the role. For many positions, references from relevant previous employers provide valuable information. Senior household positions may justify a more extensive reference process.

Should I always contact a previous employer?

Where possible, a previous employer is one of the most useful sources of information. However, there may be legitimate circumstances where another professional reference is appropriate.

What should I ask a nanny’s previous employer?

Ask about childcare responsibilities, reliability, communication with parents, relationships with children, flexibility, travel experience and overall performance.

What should I ask a housekeeper’s previous employer?

Ask about housekeeping standards, cleaning, laundry, ironing, wardrobe care, attention to detail, independence, reliability and ability to work with other household staff.

How important is the reason for leaving?

The reason for leaving can provide useful context. Many departures are completely positive, such as relocation, family changes or completion of a contract. However, unexplained inconsistencies should be investigated.

Should references be written or verbal?

Both can be useful. Written references provide documentation, while telephone references allow more detailed follow-up questions.

Can a domestic staff agency conduct references?

Yes. A specialist household staffing agency can assist with candidate screening and reference checks as part of the recruitment process.

Should I check references before making a job offer?

References are generally most useful before the final hiring decision. This allows the family to consider the information when choosing between shortlisted candidates.

What if references are inconsistent?

Do not immediately assume that the candidate has been dishonest. Ask for clarification and compare the information with the CV, interview and other references.

Are references enough to guarantee a good hire?

No. References are an important part of recruitment but should be considered alongside experience, interviews, qualifications, background checks where appropriate and household compatibility.

Build Confidence Before Hiring Your Next Household Professional

Knowing how to conduct references for private household staff is an essential part of making a confident recruitment decision.

A CV tells you where someone has worked.

An interview tells you how they communicate and present themselves.

A reference can tell you how they actually performed.

For private, HNW and UHNW families, that distinction is extremely important.

The right household employee needs more than technical skills. They need to be trustworthy, discreet, reliable and capable of working within the unique environment of a private home.

A thorough reference process can help employers confirm employment history, understand professional strengths, identify potential concerns and determine whether a candidate is genuinely suitable for the household.

However, reference checking should never be viewed in isolation.

The strongest recruitment decisions combine detailed interviews, relevant experience, professional qualifications, appropriate background checks and reliable references.

Most importantly, the candidate should be assessed against the specific needs of the family.

At Fully Staffed, we provide tailored domestic staff recruitment for private, HNW and UHNW families in London, across the UK and internationally.

If you are looking for experienced household professionals, explore our domestic staff recruitment services or visit Hire Staff.

You can also contact Fully Staffed to discuss your requirements and receive a tailored recruitment solution.

For domestic professionals looking for their next position, applications can be submitted through Apply for Domestic Staff Jobs.

Finding the right person for a private household is about more than filling a vacancy.

It is about building trust.

And a professional, carefully conducted reference process is one of the best ways to start.